Just so you know I am blogging at 5:30 in the morning. Noah woke me up and I can't go back to sleep. I've been having trouble anyway because my mind has been racing about "what's next" for me.
but back to the post.
I have been thinking long and hard about my support system. Support is not always coming from the people I expected. Although I am talking on a broad scale, for the sake of this blog...I will focus on my son. Many people have not even met him. Most who have, only so because of my own effort.
Is this normal?
Is it normal that...aside from God-parents, We haven't received much support or presence on his birthday (This excludes party attendees and one or two friends that I don't speak to often). He's one. Noah doesn't need anything. We take care of him just fine. If you have to read between the lines to get what I am saying then come a little closer. Go get you a glass so you can catch this tea.
But for real...is. that. normal?
I've been sending out gifts and going to parties and traveling for the sake of other people and their kids since 90 something. And I must say I don't even see HALF of the support that we have shown.
The social media likes and "He's so cute and I can't wait to meet/see him." comments don't phase me much. I need to see it and feel it to believe it. The fact that people even travel to my area and don't pick up the phone to see what and how we are doing blows. my. mind. I'm so tired of people talking about what they want/gonna do... Actions speak louder than words.
It's odd. It's shocking. And sometimes hurtful. Things have changed since becoming a mother but I just can't put my finger on it. I don't feel we have been accepted and supported in this phase of our lives the way we deserve. It certainly isn't what I was made to believe. Most importantly by people that we thought were closest to us.
It's all about effort and the little things.
OK breastfeeding is starting to get in the way.
Hungry = Breastfeeding
Thirsty = Breastfeeding
Tired = Breastfeeding
Cranky = Breastfeeding
Happy = Breastfeeding
Trips and falls = Breastfeeding
Teething = Breastfeeding
Midnight Waking = Breastfeeding
Exclusively breastfeeding is great but I underestimated the work and patience that is needed to wean. If Noah didn't have a choice, I think we would be doing better. Without disposable income, family, or friends nearby its hard to break this beautiful habit. I'm always with him. He knows this. And since he is stubborn he will hold out until I give in.
I know...he's not ready, but I am. I have tried straw, cup, sippy, mixed milk and pediasure. He won't take more than a 1/2 oz any given day. I am way too emotional to put my foot down. My brain tells me he will starve.... or perhaps he really needs milk... or I maybe could use the silence right now. So I shove that boobie right in his mouth. I can't believe I am saying this but my child is definitely running the show. I've lost control and have become a human pacifier.
But he eats.
Just when he feels like it.
He's a picky eater
Maybe we eat a little too clean for him. Every time go out of town, he gets his grub on. At home he is picking through food and literally throwing the unwanted off the high chair. It wasn't always like this Oh and those darn Gerber pasta pick-ups...He has never refused those. Aint nobody got time or money for all that.
You know what it IS time for though? To get back with the program. I need to put my food down and IN to some good meals so this boy can ease up off my nipples.
BUT If one more person asks why I am (STILL) breastfeeding....I may put that same foot up their----
Never mind. lol